18/11/2009
學會圓滑轉折
莉莉
莉莉
香港人。自小酷愛西洋文,終日沉淪西洋書海之中。閑時與洋妞竹星爲伍,涉山過海。除練得一口洋文外,其他一無是處。得諸位大文豪庇佑,英語成績傲視同群,惟五用成語及天文科學一竅不通,最後更違抗父母之命,選修西洋文,與所有致富的專業正式分道揚鑣。大學畢業後投身傳媒及資訊科技業,從事市務推廣及專案管理工作。爲方便滑雪,近年移居加拿大,與大灰熊及海狸爲鄰,並順道修讀MBA。爲求三餐溫飽,在road trip與road trip之間,爲企業作管理顧問。
Business English
朋友老馮是一位駐港採購專員。她在東莞跟一位廠長討論一件男裝T恤衫的設計,表示要在胸前的口袋加上公司的logo。
這位正在路邊抽煙的廠長,對老馮的話思考良久。在吸過最後一口煙,並將煙蒂彈到馬路上後,廠長滿有信心地回答:“沒問題!”
一個月後,老馮收到美國總公司的來電:
“Why are we getting all these shirts? ”
“What’s wrong with the shirts? Do they not have the logos?”
“They do. In fact, there are two logos on each shirt——one on each pocket!”
在經過這次“兩個口袋、兩個商標的男裝恤衫”事件後,老馮要求所有廠商將對方的要求及承諾寫下來。
下面一段是節錄自某廠商給老馮的信件:
You must fill out the order form, with all the product information (Look at the catalogue. Tell us how big, how small, what colour etc).
Then look at the sample we send you. Then tell us what changes you want on the final form, not like last time.
要求及承諾是寫下來了,但句子卻少了一點圓滑,亦欠缺轉接用詞,令句子生硬兼難以令人明白。
轉接用詞本身淺易非常、無人不識,但不少朋友在寫作時卻未有善用。轉接用詞不但有助連接句子,發揮起承轉合的作用,也令含有比較性、次序性及關係性的內容更加清晰。
一而再、再而三用then時,實在有點沉悶。要表示先後次序,可考慮用入級的first、second及third。不喜歡像中生作文般,重覆又重覆地數一二三的朋友,可用next或followed by。
且看以下的例句:
- We will send you a business plan. We will have a meeting with your senior management.
- First we will send you a business plan. This will be followed by a meeting with your senior management.
要表示時間性,可用有先後關係的before及after、now及later、previously、subsequently,以及同時間發生的at the same time、concurrently、while、meanwhile、immediately (在要求對方做事時用此字帶催促的含意,要特小心) 等。
清楚地提供/要求產品資料是重要的一環。以例子闡釋、用for example、for instance固然理想。在沒例可舉時,可用including、such as或specifically提供更詳細的資料。此外,可用有比較性質的轉接用詞:相類似的用similarly、in the same way、like;有相反含意的用but、on the contrary、或on the one hand、unlike等。
以下是加入了轉接用詞重寫的一段。且看是否較易暸解內容?
First, please send us the completed order form. Meanwhile, you will also need to send us the product specifications, including measurements and color. Please refer to the product catalogue for more information.
We will then send you a sample for review. Unlike the previous process, please fill out and return the project completion form to us. Specifically, we would like you to include the changes required on the form.
《說說心理話》 消費能獲取快樂?買不起,不如花光錢錢$$?「習得性無助」有何影響?一起看看正確理財觀念。► 即睇