老男人的愛情陷阱

　　《每日郵報》最近發表了一篇有關孤獨年長男人的文章，預計在已發展的國家，年過50的男性數目將在2030年前上升65%，隨之而來的巨大的社會問題甚少被論述，對策更是少之又少。

 

　　女性在人際關係上有天生的才能。她們較愛交際，說話較多，有些甚至親密至結伴前往洗手間。男性的朋友大多與工作有關，年華老去，他們所感受到的孤獨感較女人深。Independent Age的調查顯示年長男性的孤獨感所帶來的影響力相等於每日抽15根煙，帶來的危機可與癡肥問題相匹。International Longevity Centre搜集的數據反映以疾病、關懷等方面來看，於1946年至1964年出生的男性是最脆弱的一群。

 

　　男性在社交上非常依賴自己的伴侶。沒有了她，他跟家庭、子女及朋友的關係會較疏離。研究顯示成年子女給予喪偶的父母的支持較離異的父母為多。離群及孤獨的男性的身體及心靈健康情況較差。以醫療服務而言，年長的男性亦較不會尋求協助或支持。

 

　　誰有機會成為孤獨年長男？

 

1.做夢的人

　　他可以是一個在生活各方面如魚得水，但沒有一段美滿婚姻的離婚者，又可以是一個在沉醉於過去如何輕易地令美女們送上門的「鑽石王老五」……啤酒肚加上後延的髮線，他堅持追尋那位能合乎幻想的夢中女神……繼續徒勞無工。

 

2. 愛抱怨的人

　　他可以是一個經歷痛苦的婚姻離異的人，或是因得不到想要的女人自怨自憐的人，又或是不願意放下已逝去的伴侶的人。放棄邁步向前，他選擇消極、憤怨，發放負能量，持續地活在苦痛之中，因為他忙於嚐苦，沒時間重新出發。倒不如說，誰想要一個會排斥女人的男人？

 

3. 浮游不定的人

　　永遠當伴郎，新郎沒他份。他是個在很多段愛情關係中進進出出的男人，但沒有一處可停留。他不是不清楚自己追求的是甚麼，就是有一張找一百分伴侶的精確的藍圖。他常常被拒絕，但永遠不找出食白果的原因。他繼續尋找，繼續等，無了期地等待……

 

　　潛在的問題始終如一：(1)不論年齡多少，樣子、身形及條件如何，所有男人都追求年輕、性感、漂亮的女人，最好少於35歲，有相當的教育程度，財政獨立，未如自己般成功，並會無條件地寵愛他；(2) 所有男人心中都有一張列出擇偶條件的清單，他們找對象如同請人，按條件逐一篩選。

 

　　第一課：香港的女性較男性多，不過，不是每個年齡組別如是。

 　　在40至64歲的年齡組別，女性較男性多140,400人，但在25至39的組別則出現供不應求的情況，女性較男性少39,600人！有得揀，為何那些漂亮、聰明又年輕的女人要放棄在自己的年齡群組內選合適的對象，並揀你？事實上，愈後生的愈難接受年齡上的差距，而且更緊守自己的擇偶條件。有樣有身材的女人通常揀身型健碩，有六舊腹肌二頭肌，頭髮濃密，又有頭腦的成功男人。

 

　　當然，也有漂亮的女人向錢看，樂意嫁給任何年齡的男人，但這是買賣，不是愛情。即使精明、才華洋溢如梅鐸亦不見得有個快樂的結局。假如你不想成為孤獨老人，是時候從年齡相近的人著手，擇偶條件亦要貼近現實。

 

　　汲取查里斯王子的經驗，「一」是個孤獨的數字。

 

　　（按：中文內容乃翻譯及撮寫版本）

 

Gentlemen, this is for you

 

　　The Daily Mail recently published an article about lonely old men, predicting that across developed nations, the number of men over-50’s living alone shall rise by 65% by 2030, creating a huge social problem hitherto seldom discussed, much less planned for.

 

　　Women have the innate ability to relate to people. They are more sociable, they talk more, some even go to the toilet together. Men’s “friends” are mostly work related, they feel loneliness more as they grow older. The Independent Age’s research shows that old men suffering from loneliness has the equivalent impact as smoking 15 cigarettes a day and is as big a risk as obesity. The International Longevity Centre has produced data showing that men born between 1946-1964 will be the most vulnerable group, with all the related troubling issues of illness, caring etc.

 

　　Men rely more heavily on their partners to remain socially connected. Without her, he has less contact with family, children and friends. Studies suggest that adult children give more support to a widowed parent than to a divorced one.  Poor physical and mental health is more likely for the socially isolated and lonely men. In terms of medical services, older men are also less likely to seek help or ask for support. 

 

　　Who are the potential lonely old men in Hong Kong ?

 

A)The Dreamer

　　This is either the grey divorcee who has achieved everything in life except a happy marriage; or the erstwhile diamond bachelor who reminisces how he used to snap his finger, and a bevy of beautiful women would come running… Slightly paunchy and with receding hairline now, he nevertheless perseveres relentlessly in seeking that dream goddess to match his fantasy…often to no avail.

 

B)The Grouch..

　　This is either the bitter divorcee, or the wound licking bachelor devastated for not getting his girl, or the widower who refuses to let go of his grief. Instead of moving on, he stays negative and angry, spews vitriol and continues to wallow in misery because he is too busy being bitter and sarcastic to start looking again.Might as well, who would want such a women repellent any way ?

 

C)The “Dawdler” 

　　Always the best man never the groom. This is the nice guy who is  in and out of relationships, loads of them.., just not getting anywhere. He is either not sure what he is looking for, or he has a blueprint so precise he just needs to find  someone to meet ALL his criteria PERFECTLY…Or he is forever being rejected without bothering to find out why…So he looks, waits…and waits some more……. 

 

　　The underlying problems are always the same. (1) All men, regardless of their own age, appearance, size, shape and criteria, seek young, sexy, beautiful women, under 35, reasonably educated, financially independent, preferably less bright, less successful than  they are, who will unconditionally adore them. (2) All men have their lists of criteria and they look at a woman as if selecting candidates in a job interview, busy ticking boxes.

 

　　Lesson #1,  there are more women than men in HK, but NOT  in every age group !

　　While there is a surplus of 140,400 women in the age group of 40-64, there is actually a SHORTAGE of 39,600 women in the age bracket of 25-39 ! Given a choice, why would any beautiful, intelligent young woman give up another age appropriate suitor and pick you ? In fact, the younger they are, the smaller the age difference they would tolerate and the more demanding their own criteria will be. Beautiful women usually prefer brainy, successful men with 6 pack abs,  steely buns & biceps, and a full head of hair.  

 

　　Of course there are gorgeous women who would marry anybody at any age for the right price, but that’s transaction, not love. Not even someone as shrewd and intelligent as Murdoch managed a happy ending. If you do not wish to end up a lonely old man, start by looking in more age appropriate brackets and be realistic with your  list of criteria.

 

　　Take a page from Prince Charles’ own experience… cause one is a lonely number.

 

 

 《經濟通》所刊的署名及／或不署名文章，相關內容屬作者個人意見，並不代表《經濟通》立場，《經濟通》所扮演的角色是提供一個自由言論平台。

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